Thank goodness for her “refugee Thanksgiving family,” said Jacqueline Jones, of Chicago. If not for them, Jones said, she would spend the holiday “sitting home alone eating Triscuits.”
“Mom is in Ohio, dad in the Middle East and my brother in Florida, so it’s hard to get together for holidays,” said Jones, an assistant account executive at a marketing firm. “A group of about 20 people took me in last year, and I look forward to being with them again this year.”
Instead of relatives, Jones will be surrounded by “musicians, writers and other creatives” she met through work since she migrated from California to Chicago. They take turns hosting the dinner.
Norman Rockwell images aside, many Chicagoans spend Thanksgiving with “families” of their own making.
“We’re a few generations away from the family farm now, so the family is spread out and can’t necessarily be together for the holidays,” said Leah Bryant, associate professor of communications studies at DePaul University. “And for many people, being with their families is too stressful. Every family has some dysfunction.”
While some make a greater effort to see their families for Christmas or Hanukkah, “Thanksgiving is especially hard because people may just have one day off or, if they’re in retail, no time off,” Bryant said. “Our jobs are important; we don’t have the leisure time we used to.”
The results are what sociologists call “urban tribes” or “fictive kin,” Bryant said.
“The definition of ‘family’ has evolved to include these people who are important to us,” she said. “They may not be connected by blood or legal ties, but we share a past or future with them.”
Jones said her group is “young and still learning to cook,” so their Thanksgiving menu is evolving.
“It’s always vegan, although last year someone brought a turkey in addition to the tofu turkey,” she said. “I’m still researching recipes on the Internet. I’m thinking about making a mashed potato dish with a nondairy creamer.”
One tradition Jones’ group has established is their post-meal activity: watching the film “Home Alone.”
“Growing up, Thanksgiving was spending the day with my cousins and relaxing,” Jones said. “I do miss that. But my group of Chicago transplants is great. I’m lucky to be a part of it still, even though the dessert I brought last year was really awful!”
“Friendsgiving” is what Nadia Sawicki, of Chicago, calls her holiday get-together.
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“We started it with some friends because our families were not nearby,” explained Sawicki, a college professor. They take turns hosting the party.
“This year we’ll have it at our house and expect about six for dinner, plus four who will stop by later,” said Sawicki, whose husband, Carl Hill-Popper, is a software engineer.
Cooking together is the main activity, Sawicki said.
“I’ll make a turkey, but otherwise we try to make foods that aren’t traditional because we’re all ‘food people’ who like to try new recipes,” she said. “But compared to the big dinner my mother made, with two of everything, even turkeys, ours is simpler.”
Larry Dieckmann’s “Thanksgiving family” of about 30 people has been together for so long, some of their kids (now in their 20s) have kids, said the Chicago architect. Dieckmann, his wife, JoAnne Sylvester, and their two sons appreciate their hosts of 25 years, Richard and Iris Sewell, of Chicago.
Sylvester makes sweet potato au gratin plus a Southern green bean dish. The other guests bring favorite side dishes, while the hosts make appetizers and desserts. One of the guests is known for his smoked turkey contribution.
Even in their “worst throws of teenage-ness,” said Dieckmann, his sons wanted to go to their Thanksgiving dinner. In fact, “one year, one of my sons took some high school buddies who were from out of the country, so it was their first Thanksgiving.”
“At Thanksgiving, this is our family,” said Andrea Schmidlin of her Elgin group of 20, which usually gathers at the home of Elizabeth and Doug Pratt. They met when their children (now grown) were in the same church group, said Schmidlin, a claims adjuster.
“We have the regular group of four families, but we usually have some strays too,” Schmidlin said. “One couple broke up, but both exes come now with their new partners.”
Each member brings a customary dish.
“One woman always makes pies,” said Schmidlin. “I make cranberries because my husband is cranberry-crazy. And we have lots of wine.”
The football game is on in the background, Schmidlin said. After dinner, the group takes a walk.
“Some years, we’ve played charades or other games, as long as they include shouting!” Schmidlin said.
The Pratts provide Ziploc bags for guests to take home leftovers.
“Even during their jaded years, the kids would not have missed it,” she said. “My kids are adopted, so maybe I have a different definition of ‘family.’ To me, it’s the people you love. We’re very blessed to have our Thanksgiving family.”
The “Thanksgivingpalooza” guest list would increase at the Chicago home of actors Keith Neagle and Cyd Blakewell “if only there was room,” Neagle said. “We have a two-bedroom place in Lincoln Square, so we can only fit about 15.”
Blakewell said she got the “hosting gene” from her mother, who serves 20 at her Texas home.
Plane tickets to family homes are not in the budget for them or their theater friends, Neagle said, so potluck at their place has become an eight-year tradition.
“Thanksgiving is one of the few days we have off in this business,” he said.
Blakewell makes side dishes from her mother’s and grandmother’s recipes files. One guest is known for her New Orleans gumbo.
“Another one brings over a tiny portable grill and makes grilled sweet potatoes,” Blakewell said.
After dinner, the group settles in to watch a classic movie. Last year, it was “Batman.”
The highlight of the evening, Neagle said, is the exploding of a pumpkin in the alley, orchestrated by a physicist friend.
“It’s a sight to behold,” he said.
For 25 years, childhood friends Niki Casey, of Chicago, and Julea Joseph, of Palos Park, have shared Thanksgiving at Casey’s house.
“We have small families, so she is my family,” Casey said. “She’s like a sister. I do Thanksgiving, and she does Christmas Eve.”
In addition to their husbands and children (two each), they usually have some “strays” too, Casey said. This year they will include Casey’s boss and his wife, Casey’s aunt and a priest who is a family friend.
“We don’t turn anyone away,” said Casey.
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Casey, who manages a medical office, makes a turkey that she marinates in brine (a salty mixture), plus recipes she inherited from her Greek family, including pastitsio and spanakopita. Joseph brings kid-friendly food, although their young-adult children are now more likely to eat what’s on the table, Casey said.
“We spend a lot of time around the table telling ‘remember when?’ stories,” Casey said. “Everyone has to say what they’re thankful for. There’s prayer, good wine and fun.”
One year, Casey tended to her dying father while Joseph completed dinner for the group.
“It was at my house, but she cooked,” said Casey. “That’s the kind of thing we’ve been through together. To me, that’s family — the people who have shared the good times and the bad.”