The future looks bright for Chicago — with the exception of the humans on this panel.
TOPIC 1. What could President-elect Barack Obama do for Chicago sports?
Jimmy Greenfield: Oh, just bring in the Olympics and make the Sox bigger than the Cubs. Nothing big.
Leo Ebersole: Pardon the Cubs every Thanksgiving.
Sears Tower: Buy Lou Piniella a puppy. Maybe a basket of puppies.
Scott Bolohan: Advise the Bulls on how to beat the Mavericks.
Bear Jordan: Forget that — I need him to protect my relatives in Alaska.
TOPIC 2. Tell us one thing you know about the Texas Tech Red Raiders.
Jimmy Greenfield: It was founded in 1989 by Matthew McConaughey and Ashley Judd.
Leo Ebersole: Their offense is more explosive than Al Pacino. However, Tech’s still effective.
Sears Tower: On a clear day, I can see the cow pasture they practice on.
Scott Bolohan: It’s a Communist computer hacking school.
Bear Jordan: The fur could use a little grooming, but the uniforms are the right color.
TOPIC 3. How come most of the top college football teams are in the South?
Jimmy Greenfield: Really? Tell that to Mexico.
Leo Ebersole: It’s probably all the fried foods and sauces those kids are raised on.
Sears Tower: They don’t want to play in my shadow. Can’t blame ’em.
Scott Bolohan: Most of the bad ones are in the North.
Bear Jordan: Who knows? I’m usually asleep all winter.
TOPIC 4. Why does Manny Ramirez command so much money?
Jimmy Greenfield: Baseball recently changed a rule and home runs are no longer just ceremonial.
Leo Ebersole: You can’t fold under pressure if you’re blissfully unaware of the situation.
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Sears Tower: Have you SEEN his hairdresser bill?
Scott Bolohan: It’s just money being money.
Bear Jordan: I know, right? Try catching a salmon mid-river. Now that’s work.
TOPIC 5. What would be more special for White Sox fans than a first pitch from Obama?
Jimmy Greenfield: A final pitch in the World Series from Jenks.
Leo Ebersole: Watching Javy Vazquez throw a first pitch for a different team.
Sears Tower: Why, seeing U.S. Cellular Field from the Skydeck observatory, of course.
Scott Bolohan: A job.
Bear Jordan: A first pitch, while seated on a unicycle, from yours truly.
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