Our Facebook guest Giovanna Zozzaro is going to the Cubs-White Sox game Friday. If you see her, ask her why she doesn’t return our friend request. Get in on the fun at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
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Giovanna Zozzaro
TOPIC 1: BESIDES THEIR TEAM APPAREL, HOW DO YOU SPOT A WHITE SOX FAN AT WRIGLEY?
They are the ones actually paying attention to the game.
They’re the ones driving around looking for a parking lot.
Look for the distinctive pin-striped monitoring device on the ankle.
They’re hanging out with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster by the Cubs’ World Series trophies.
By the pile of freshly thrown peanut shells at their feet.
TOPIC 2: HOW WOULD YOU SETTLE A DISPUTE BETWEEN MARRIED CUBS AND WHITE SOX FANS?
The Sox fan must listen to Ron Santo; the Cubs fan, Hawk Harrelson. Whoever lasts longer, wins.
First team to the World Series wins. By the time it happens, they’ll forget about the fight.
Getting the Cubs fan to stop crying is a start. Try feeding it a little sushi and a Jager bomb.
I’d force them to agree to split the cost of a divorce lawyer.
The same way Lou and Ozzie should: mud wrestling (may use nacho cheese on game day).
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TOPIC 3: WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO JEER THE CUBS OR SOX FANS?
At Wrigley, with drunken, slurred, expletive-filled rants. And I’m not talking about Lou or Ozzie.
To Cubs fans: At least we’re not getting sold.
I’m running out of cliches here. Keep it simple and chant “1908” at Cubs fans.
If you’re a Sox fan, you use the words “Ha” “Ha” and “2005.”
Just make sure to point to the scoreboard. The truth hurts.
TOPIC 4: HOW SURPRISED WOULD YOU BE IF NEITHER THE CUBS NOR THE SOX MADE THE PLAYOFFS?
About as surprised as I’ll be when the sun rises tomorrow.
So surprised that I’d go back to sleep.
More than if the Bears made the playoffs, less than if Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus made out.
I wouldn’t be. I’m from Chicago.
As surprised as I was to find out Italy wasn’t out of the EuroCup. FORZA AZZURRI!
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S ONE THING YOU WOULD FIND ON A CUBS OR SOX FAN’S FACEBOOK PAGE?
The Sox fan has added the “I’d rather see the Cubs lose than the Sox win” app.
Pics of Cubs fans playing beer pong, flippy cup and bags. And Greek symbols.
“[Cubs/Sox fan] is craving a Prozac today.”
An invite to “City Series Loser Drinks Self Silly” or “City Series Winner Drinks Self Silly.”
Annoying play-by-play status changes and a collage of DeRosa — I’ve said too much.