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Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Jimmy Greenfield
Tom Stillwell
TOPIC 1: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION AFTER HEARING THE BULLS WILL LIKELY HIRE DOUG COLLINS AS COACH?
He’s really vocal. “Against All Odds” will come in handy next season.
He’s as relevant to today’s NBA as Steve Guttenberg is to modern cinema.
They’re one piece closer to solving the puzzle. Now all they need is the greatest player of all time.
I put on my favorite episode of “Family Ties,” sat on my futon and cracked open a bottle of Zima.
I’d rather he reunite with Genesis. Oh wait, you said DOUG Collins …
TOPIC 2: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE BULLS’ PLAYERS OR THE DRAFT?
The Bulls will drink champagne tonight because everyone’s tired of whine.
It’s absolutely clear who the Bulls will take with the No. 1 pick: Joey Dorsey.
He will institute a “no biting” rule after mistaking Kirk Hinrich for TNT announcer Marv Albert.
It means nothing. COACHES DON’T MATTER IN THE NBA. Carry on.
Michael Jordan comes out of retirement, rejoins the Bulls and runs Collins out of town.
TOPIC 3: THE FBI INTERVIEWED MINDY MCCREADY ABOUT ROGER CLEMENS. WHAT WAS ONE OF THE QUESTIONS?
“What’s the tractor story?”
“Now about ‘The Rocket,’ are we talking Apollo 6 or roman candle?”
“When Clemens mentioned ‘the two-seamer,’ was he talking about his fastball or his pants?”
“What on earth happened to you?”
“Boxers or briefs?”
TOPIC 4: IF THE NBA CAN IMPOSE FINES FOR FLOPPING THEN …
More Top Picks Best Countertop Ovens
… women should be able to as well.
… “Over Her Dead Body” could push the Longoria-Parkers into bankruptcy.
… Manu Ginobili can plan on making roughly $28.50 a year.
… Five on Five readers can impose a fine on Tracy for mailing it in today.
… John Kerry’s NBA dreams have come to a screeching halt.
TOPIC 5: A SUMO WRESTLER ATTACKED HIS APPRENTICE WITH A LADLE. COMMENTS?
I guess he enjoys aggressive spooning. Bet he was wearing a tong.
Yeah, it went into that sumo fight as a ladle, but came out as a spatula.
Clearly the frying pan and the pizza cutter were too valuable to put at risk in this case.
I find it hard to believe either one of them was having soup for lunch.
Ancient Japanese proverb: Never present an empty ladle to a hungry sumo.