Supriya Doshi
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Jimmy Greenfield
Shaun Garrison
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE INDY 500 DRIVER AND WHY?
I’m proud to say that I have absolutely no clue.
Tony Kanaan, who’s like a goofy-looking Vin Diesel. Wait, that was redundant.
Danica Patrick. Who is the only Indy 500 driver I can name? Danica Patrick.
Racer X, because my interest in the Indy 500 also is fictional.
Danica. I’m attracted to women who loathe me. Consider yourself warned, women of Chicago!!
TOPIC 2: WHAT DO INDIANA JONES AND THE INDY 500 HAVE IN COMMON?
They both seem like they’ll never end.
All the men are whipped.
The seats are all custom leather.
They’re both created by Ford.
No matter how they turn out, neither will be as entertaining as “South Park’s” “cripple fight.”
TOPIC 3: THREE BLOWN HOME-RUN CALLS THIS WEEK. WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE UMPIRES?
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Obviously, they were distracted by the “Idol” final vote-off.
If they’re going to suck this bad, we should replace the umpires with vampires.
It’s bikini season, and they’re all a little self-conscious about their chest protectors.
Too much talk about which David would win “Idol.”
They’re all channeling Lt. Frank Drebin in an apparent attempt to save the queen’s life.
TOPIC 4: WHY DID S.I. CHOOSE BARACK OBAMA’S HIGH SCHOOL AS THE NATION’S TOP ATHLETIC PROGRAM?
Well, it wasn’t because of his basketball or bowling skills.
All the other high school programs are just bitter.
It would’ve picked John McCain’s, but Stonehenge isn’t a high school anymore.
Because it’s sexist.
I hear it had something to do with the championships the school has won in European Sharking.
TOPIC 5: HEIDI AND SPENCER HAMMED IT UP AT A DODGERS GAME. WHAT DO THEY KNOW ABOUT BASEBALL?
That it’s a great place to get even more attention from the press.
Most fans wouldn’t mind taking a bat to either of them.
Nothing. They heard there were a bunch of cameras there.
No “Hills” questions for me, thank you.
That the White Sox are destined to fail, just like their marriage.