So the commissioner’s office granting Billy Crystal permission to suit up as a New York Yankee for a spring game Thursday against the Pittsburgh Pirates — a charming experiment or a harmful pattern?
I mean, for a major-league team to actually sign a comedian and actor to a one-day contract this way?
“My only concern for Billy is that he should have held out for a three-day contract,” comedian and Second City comedy troupe alumnus Robert Klein told me Wednesday. “He has his family’s security to think of.”
I got in touch with Klein and a few other celebrity baseball fans to see if they might like a crack at getting into a game.
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“Yes, I would consider it,” said comedian George Lopez, an avid White Sox fan. “I can’t hit or throw, but Ozzie Guillen and I would be the perfect fit. I know all the bad words in Spanish.”
“I could get on base,” said another Second City stage alum, “Cheers” sitcom star George Wendt. “I’d be the opposite of Bill Veeck’s little-person stunt. My belly would be so far over the plate they’d either have to walk me or hit me.”
Celebrity baseball fever, catch it.
It could be the beginning of a trend.
“Wheel of Fortune” host and lifelong Chicago baseball fan Pat Sajak e-mailed something exactly along those lines from Vero Beach, Fla., where he was in the stands for a Dodgers exhibition game.
“This could lead to other celebrity signings,” Sajak speculated. “Prince William to the Royals, or Shaquille O’Neal to the Giants, or Johnny Depp to the Pirates, or the Olsen sisters to the Twins.”
I checked with actor and “Bleacher Bums” play co-creator Joe Mantegna to see if he would like to play in a game with his favorite club, the Cubs.
Yes, he gladly would. But what if he gets two or three hits? Suppose he turns out to be a combination of Alfonso Soriano and Moises Alou?
“My only fear,” Mantegna said, “is that they would ask me to play left field the entire season and put my ‘Criminal Minds’ job in jeopardy.”
As you know, the Cubs are always trying to come up with new ways to turn a profit. That gave stand-up comedian and Cubs fan (same thing?) Tom Dreesen a brainstorm that he passed along to me.
“They should charge rich and famous people the same way NASA charged that rich guy to go into space,” Dreesen said. “Then use that money to buy better pitching.”
I can see it now: Chicago millionaires paying to play third base for a spring inning.
Or show-biz stars, fulfilling a childhood fantasy the way Crystal is doing.
Vince Vaughn, baseball crasher. Bill Murray, starring in pinstripes. John Cusack, ninth man out.
Not a fantasy camp but a genuine, full-speed, no-holding-back Cactus or Grapefruit League spring game, just like Crystal’s is going to be for the Yankees.
“Well, here’s the thing,” sportscaster Bob Costas, a close friend of Crystal’s, told me. “Whether you’re in favor of it or not, at least Billy was a legitimate ballplayer in his day. He was a star shortstop in high school. He went to Marshall on a baseball scholarship.
“As recently as a year ago, I watched Billy take swings in the batting cage in St. Louis. He just took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and consistently stroked line drives. (Cardinals coach) Hal McRae stood there admiring his swing.”
Crystal is indulging a whim — or, rather, the Yankees are. He is going to wear No. 60 for them at Thursday’s game in Tampa, a day before his 60th birthday.
It isn’t totally without precedent. Country singer Garth Brooks tried out at 37 for the San Diego Padres at their 1999 spring camp, taking it seriously but also raising money for charity. He got one hit and an RBI.
(General manager Kevin Towers joked that the Padres offered a four-year, $32 million deal, but Brooks said no because “he could make that [singing] in a weekend.”)
And actor Tom Selleck did pinch-hit for the Detroit Tigers in a 1991 spring game, fouling off several pitches before striking out.
Crystal, obviously, is a little longer in the tooth than those amateurs were.
“Let’s just hope Joe Girardi’s lineup is facing a relatively soft-throwing lefty,” Costas said. “I mean as opposed to some right-hander who can sidearm it. Billy bats right-handed.”
I don’t mind what the Yankees are doing — what does it hurt? — but naturally there are a few killjoys.
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A Newsday writer accused Commissioner Bud Selig of turning the team’s camp into “a bad joke” and “making a mockery of what the players go through.”
Maybe you have to have a sense of humor. Like, for instance, Klein, a lifelong New York baseball fan who grew up in the Bronx.
“What Billy is doing proves that geezers like us still have a place in the world,” the 66-year-old comedian said. “This is the second-best thing to happen this week. I also got carded for a six-pack of beer.”
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