Sometimes it seems as though self-centeredness is becoming an epidemic, but counselor Les Carter offers a mostly refreshing tonic for the times in “Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me” (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, $21.95).
It’s a self-help book for people who are in relationships with narcissists, ones who are controlling or passive-aggressive. Carter’s central message is that narcissists rarely change, yet friends and loved ones persist in trying to get them to conform to societal standards. They would do better, he says, to work on ways that they can avoid being drawn into a narcissist’s orbit.
Carter does a good job of showing how calmness and assertiveness can extricate you from such relationships. He also writes with nuance, demonstrating that all of us are subject at one time or another to narcissistic tendencies. But he neglects to discuss situations in which the narcissist also is an abuser. I’m not sure his advice is sufficient for relationships where danger and threats are the modus operandi.
You have value: “Human worth is not a commodity that some have and some do not. It is an integral part of each person’s identity and is not subject to the arbitrary pronouncements of self-appointed judges.”