Life is always a raging good time when you can count the number of friends you have on a clenched fist.
To my homies out there who–like me–are new to Chicago and have spent many a night staring with teary, lonely eyes at your ceiling, I salute you.
We are the people who brave bars filled with gaggles of already-bonded, laughing blond girls. We are the bold souls who join campaigns to save the sea turtles, or science fiction book clubs, or knitting circles–all with the hope that someone will befriend us.
After 11 1/2 years in Chicago, I’m still intimidated by trying to make friends. A few relationships are starting to emerge as solid long-term prospects, but I’m still on the prowl for those special people who will see “Princess Diaries 2” with me and tell me when I have basil leaves stuck in my teeth.
“I have a hard time believing you can’t make friends,” my boss said to me one day. “It’s not like you wouldn’t talk to a lamppost.”
But that’s the thing. You could talk to every twentysomething in the city, but you’re always at a disadvantage. You need friends and they don’t. There’s no urgency on their part, and that makes all the difference. It’s like people who have friends can smell the eagerness on your breath and immediately retreat, leaving you feeling like a loser.
So that’s why I recently started online friend dating.
A co-worker told me about the platonic friend section on Craigslist. Apparently all sorts of frustrated friend-seekers like me were posting pleas for pals on this Web site.
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I logged on a couple weeks ago and instantly felt comforted. The posters were writing about how they’d just moved and were looking for nice, normal people to hang with.
Girls in particular were lamenting the classic female friend-making conundrum: When you approach a man or a woman, it’s always a bust because they both think you are hitting on them. They hoped online friend dating would be a good way to conduct a friend search without implying that you are looking for romance.
Of course, some postings made me a little wary. Some people were obviously looking for more-than-platonic encounters. (Yesterday, one woman’s posting declared, “Hungry Russian baby want a man!” and directed interested parties to her nude photos.)
Some people were very demanding and unapproachable–exactly what I was trying to escape from. One woman wrote: “I am not looking for computer geeks, freaks, wack-jobs, liars or anyone with a ‘profile’ or ‘Web site’ about themselves. … I am looking for people WITH friends. Anyone who does not have friends need not apply. Although I am sorry, it must be lonely, I am not looking to be anyone’s first friend.”
Hmmm. Skip that one.
I ultimately chose someone who sounded like me–somewhat normal. We exchanged e-mails, and I had my first friend date.
Very strange, this platonic friend dating. It’s like normal dating but without having to worry about the goodnight kiss.
Before I was supposed to meet my prospective friend, I was worried about all the standard dating fears: Would we have enough to talk about? What would I do if I hated her or, worse, if she turned out to be a serial killer in disguise?
But she turned out to be a very nice girl.
I’ve decided I like online friend dating because you can get right to the point. Instead of hiding the fact that you are a friendless wonder to avoid scaring off a potential pal, you can scream it at the top of your lungs and meet others just like you. It’s like an instantaneous bond between lonely people.
I never envisioned myself as someone who’d be meeting people online, but who really cares how you meet a person as long as you like each other?
I’m already looking forward to my second date.
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